In an attempt to be poetic.
I'm Jesh. 18 years old. Currently taking up BS Computer Science at UP Manila.
I love books and music. And food. I have a flair for the dramatic. I write poems and songs. Half-realist, half-hopeless romantic. Caffeine addict. Extroverted introvert. I'm weird like that.

#personal #writings #poems 
Blank Memory
15 July 2011 | 8:26 PM | 0 letters
Blank Memory

As I stare at this faded picture,
It strikes me again
Fear that I won’t be accepted
That I would be forever haunted by it

I can still remember it
Every detail; from the way it felt                                                                                               
To the way it ended
Will I lose so much?

I put the picture down
Then close my eyes
I’m longing for the scent of lavender
Longing for peace

I take the picture in my hands
Tears fall from my eyes
As I tear it into pieces
And burn it

My hands are now covered with ashes
The wind has now dried my tears
As I watch the ashes sink I into my skin
Making it a forever part of me

I stare in amazement
As I slowly forget
This remaining part
Remains a blank memory

I cry again
I shake my hands in disgust
I want to forget
Do I have to remember?

Then I see you from a distance
You extend your hand so I can reach for you
I wipe my tears and reach for you
Gradually stepping towards you

Then you vanish into thin air
Leaving me alone
Darkness fills the room
Fear engorging me
I run away
But I don’t know where to go
Where to hide
Or where to scream

I fall on the floor
My hands for something- anything
My hands feel for something sharp
As I scream, releasing the pain

And for once I see color
I can see the blood rushing out of my veins
Slowly abandoning me
Killing me softly

I laugh
Laugh and laugh
This life is a joke
Someone must’ve played a trick on me

The blood soon disappeared
The wound has been healed
I can see the sun again
For once, I feel like I’m in heaven

Then I realize it’s a spotlight
Someone is calling me
I realize it’s a voice from my past
A voice I forced myself to forget

And there it was
Playing in front of me
Everything I wished to forget was now so inviting
Asking me to repeat them all

They flashback so fast
Yet so clear
I closed my eyes
But I could still see them

Calling me
Grabbing me
Surrounding me
And slowly killing me

I try to run away
But you cannot run away from your past
Nor can you jump into the future
It’s scaring me

I call out your name
Then you reappear
Holding that same ting that cut me
But I was blinded by love.

I reached out to embrace you
And at last, I feel secure
I feel happy
Warm and loved

Then you stab me
But I didn’t care
For I love you
And I was prepared

I wanted to hold on
But I was weak
For you killed me
I could no longer fight the pain

Then I see you cry
Mumbling apologies
But it’s done

My eyes finally close
My muscles finally lose the tension
I die slowly, finally
I guess the rest of me will forever be a mystery

 A poem somehow inspired by my past. Someone once told me he had goosebumps while reading this.

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