Blank Memory
Blank Memory
As I stare at this faded picture,
It strikes me again
Fear that I won’t be accepted
That I would be forever haunted by it
I can still remember it
Every detail; from the way it felt
To the way it ended
Will I lose so much?
I put the picture down
Then close my eyes
I’m longing for the scent of lavender
Longing for peace
I take the picture in my hands
Tears fall from my eyes
As I tear it into pieces
And burn it
My hands are now covered with ashes
The wind has now dried my tears
As I watch the ashes sink I into my skin
Making it a forever part of me
I stare in amazement
As I slowly forget
This remaining part
Remains a blank memory
I cry again
I shake my hands in disgust
I want to forget
Do I have to remember?
Then I see you from a distance
You extend your hand so I can reach for you
I wipe my tears and reach for you
Gradually stepping towards you
Then you vanish into thin air
Leaving me alone
Darkness fills the room
Fear engorging me
I run away
But I don’t know where to go
Where to hide
Or where to scream
I fall on the floor
My hands for something- anything
My hands feel for something sharp
As I scream, releasing the pain
And for once I see color
I can see the blood rushing out of my veins
Slowly abandoning me
Killing me softly
I laugh
Laugh and laugh
This life is a joke
Someone must’ve played a trick on me
The blood soon disappeared
The wound has been healed
I can see the sun again
For once, I feel like I’m in heaven
Then I realize it’s a spotlight
Someone is calling me
I realize it’s a voice from my past
A voice I forced myself to forget
And there it was
Playing in front of me
Everything I wished to forget was now so inviting
Asking me to repeat them all
They flashback so fast
Yet so clear
I closed my eyes
But I could still see them
Calling me
Grabbing me
Surrounding me
And slowly killing me
I try to run away
But you cannot run away from your past
Nor can you jump into the future
It’s scaring me
I call out your name
Then you reappear
Holding that same ting that cut me
But I was blinded by love.
I reached out to embrace you
And at last, I feel secure
I feel happy
Warm and loved
Then you stab me
But I didn’t care
For I love you
And I was prepared
I wanted to hold on
But I was weak
For you killed me
I could no longer fight the pain
Then I see you cry
Mumbling apologies
But it’s done
My eyes finally close
My muscles finally lose the tension
I die slowly, finally
I guess the rest of me will forever be a mystery
A poem somehow inspired by my past. Someone once told me he had goosebumps while reading this.
Labels: literature, personal, poems, writings
