In an attempt to be poetic.
Bonjour.
I'm Jesh. 18 years old. Currently taking up BS Computer Science at UP Manila.
I love books and music. And food. I have a flair for the dramatic. I write poems and songs. Half-realist, half-hopeless romantic. Caffeine addict. Extroverted introvert. I'm weird like that.

#personal #writings #poems 
#thoughts 
Twist and Turns Of Fate
31 October 2011 | 8:15 AM | 0 letters
Here's what I'm gonna share on Monday:



My parents separated when I was nine years old. Since then, my father stayed in his parents' house in Paranaque while me and my sister stayed in our mother's house in Los Banos, Laguna. It was hard for all of us. It brought many challenges. But the biggest challenge I encountered happened when my father told us that after I graduate from elementary, he'll be taking me and my sister. I didn't like the idea at all. I liked my mom better, and besides, my life in Los Banos was wonderful. Still, my father encouraged me to take MaSci's entrance exam. Knowing I could do nothing about it, I took the test.
My test date was on January 12, 2008. While walking towards MaSci, I was mesmerized by its elegance. I don't know what I saw in MaSci, but I immediately wanted to study there. I even prayed to God to help me pass the test.
That phase passed, though. When I went back to Los Banos, I once again hated the idea of studying in Manila. Everyone encouraged me to take the test in UP Rural High School, the best high school in Los Banos. My father asked me, “Bakit ka kukuha ng test eh sa Manila ka naman magaaral?” I know that he knew I wanted to stay in Los Banos. But he still forced me to study in Manila. Often times, I cried. Each time we met, he would bring up the topic. It made me depressed. I didn't want to study in Manila. One day, my father texted me. I passed the test.
I had my mother, my relatives, and my friends on my side. After passing the UPRHS test, they encouraged me to study there. My mother even made plans of hiding my report card from my father. Unfortunately, it didn't work. We couldn't convince my father to let me study in Los Banos. His line was always “ako nagpapaaral sayo kaya ako bahala kung saan ka magaaral.” It was no use. He dismissed every explanation. I could do nothing about it. In less than two months, I would be studying in Manila. It was the worst thing that happened to me.
Often times, I cried for hours. But I knew that sooner or later I had to face it. So begins my adventure in Manila.
It was in these times that I lived by Chris Daughtry's song Home. Remember the line “Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it all, and then some you don't want”?
Living in Manila was a huge change for me. I no longer lived with my mother, the environment was very far from that of Los Banos, my father felt more of a dictator, I was going to a new school, and I had no friends. I was very thankful, though, because my friends from elementary still texted me and gave me words of encouragement.
My first day in MaSci wasn't really disastrous. In fact, I enjoyed it. Perhaps I was even a bit excited. I thought that being in this new strange high-standard school wasn't bad after all. But then our last subject came. I don't know what happened but suddenly all the sadness downed on me. Suddenly I remembered that I didn't want to be here. I cried.
For days, weeks, even months, my crying continued. My first year classmates know about that. I always cried. Especially during the first days of school. I couldn't help it. I missed my mom, I missed my friends, I missed my home. Until now, I refuse to call our house in Paranaque a home. For me, it was just a house, a structure that contained me. In certain times, it was more like a prison. Home was far away.
Eventually, I gained friends. I had best friends, too. They were always there for me. I've heard that some of our batch mates ridiculed our section because we were too close. But I thank God for making us like that. I guess it's the very reason why I was put in that section. Almost everyone in that section was approachable. They made the new experience somewhat easier for me. They were there to support me. I was lucky to have my best friends wipe away my tears. Back then, I was not much of a strong person. But that experience made me one.
During my 1st and 2nd year here in MaSci, I begged my mother to take me back. There were lots of opportunities. My mother always searched for them, but somehow, they never worked out. I began to accept the idea that I was going to finish high school in Manila. I couldn't wait for graduation. My classmates would sometimes mock me for being depressed all the time. I can't blame them. They don't know what I've been going through.
Eventually, I learned to love MaSci. I learned to become proud of my school. I learned to stop comparing MaSci with my school back then. I learned to answer “Manila Science High School” without any hint of sadness or bitterness whenever someone asked me where I went to school. Finally, my eyes began to see the beauty of MaSci. I began to see the advantages of being a MaScian. I began to have reasons why I should continue studying in MaSci. Before, I only had two reasons to go to school – to see my friends and to stay away from my father.
Third year was the big turning point in my life. It was in that year that I began to truly value my friends. It was in that year that I became very thankful of their presence. It was in that year that I began studying harder than usual. It was in that year that I began to embrace Manila Science High School. It was in that year that I became open to the possibility of staying here in Manila until college.
As of now, I really want to stay here in Manila until college. I have grown to love the people around me. I have grown to adapt to the fast-paced living in Manila. Yet there's a big but. My mother wants to take me back next year. Why am I not happy? Isn't this what I wished for? To go back to Los Banos after graduation? Yes, it was. Not anymore.
In about 4 months, we'll be graduating. Where I'll be studying after I graduate, I don't know. I guess it's up to fate again.
Once again I can hear the lyrics of the song. Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it all, and then some you don't want.
Well, I guess I don't want to go back anymore.
I would often rant “kung kailan ko natutunang mahalin yung MaSci, saka pa ko malapit na grumaduate.” I learned to appreciate MaSci a little too late. But I guess it's better late than never, right?
Because of this experience, I've learned a lesson. I learned that you should always accept change wholeheartedly. You should not wish to change the state in which you're in because you never know what that change might bring you. You should learned to submit to what God has for you. For years I have resented studying here, it was a little late when I realized why I'm here.
And I'm happy to be here. If I didn't study here, then I wouldn't have met you. This is a big world, that was a small town. From now on, I won't be afraid of changes. I'll just remind myself of this experience and everything will be alright.
Personally, I would like to thank all of you. All of you played a part in my story. You all have your own contributions to this experience. To all my friends, thank you. I wouldn't have reached this far if it weren't for you. This experience will continue, but my sharing has to end.
Thank you for listening.   

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