I feel worthless.
And that's just how I feel. Do you know what it's like to be so worried about a person? That feeling you get in the middle of the night when you're just so scared and you desperately need someone? That feeling when you feel like you're all alone in the world and no one's there to help you? And that person doesn't even make any effort to text you or let you know that he's okay? And when you call him it's like he's not even paying attention to you? And when you send him load he just texts you :*? And that's that?
I feel like I'm not worth anything in this world. It's like everyone is just taking me for granted. Last night my mom was joking about me finally having feelings. WELL OF COURSE I HAVE FEELINGS, WHO DOESN'T?
And I'm starting to feel like I fell for the wrong person again. Because that's just not the way you treat the person you love, right? Or maybe he's given up on me already? Maybe it's just too hard to get along with me that he just doesn't try anymore. It's like he doesn't even care. And it just feels so bad because he's not like that. He's not supposed to be like that, but he's like that now and I don't know what to do. I can't even help myself. :(
What's happening? Has the world decided to pick on me? Because I don't like it at all. Maybe I've been a terrible person. Maybe I'm just so unlovable that no one bothers to love me anymore. I'm just a mistake. Maybe my mom should've just had an abortion. I just don't understand this life anymore. I mean, what are you supposed to do when everyone's against you? I don't even know who to run to anymore.
What did I do wrong? Have I become so selfish already? Do I deserve this? There's no one else. It's just me and this pathetic blog. I can't even talk to anyone anymore. That's why I'm talking to this blog. OH LOOK I HAVE A BLOG AS A FRIEND, AND IT'S MY ONLY FRIEND. Wow. Just wow. :'(
Labels: diary, personal, summer12, thoughts