(Yeah, I know. I answer too many of these things.)

1.Kissed a girl?
- Yup
2.Kissed a boy?
3.Had sex in public?
4.What’s your religion?
5.What does your URL mean?
- (this is from tumblr so I'll be explaining dreamermeetsreality) I kind of got the idea from a book called Boy Meets Girl. I'm a dreamer. I tend to dream a lot of things. I actually daydream too much. So basically dreamermeetsreality describes my life, how I'm a dreamer who is constantly in between my dreams and the harsh reality. I can dream all I want but I have to wake up and face life eventually. That's what my life is all about: a dreamer who tries to dream up the perfect life she wants to have but nevertheless has to deal with reality.
6.Reason you joined tumblr?
- I just wanted to try it.
7.Do you have any nicknames?
- Esh, Jeshy/Jeshie, Jeshu
8.Do you like bubble bath?
- Yup
9.Kissed in the rain?
- Kind of
10.Dyed your hair?
- Yes
11.Soup or salad?
- Salad
12.Vegetable or meat?
- Meat
13.Go out drinking?
- Sure
14.Smoke cigarettes?
- I wish I could but I'm asthmatic
15.Smoke weed?
- Nah
16.Do any hard drugs?
- Haha no
17.Have you had sex today?
- Nope
18.Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
- Yes
19.The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
- Best friends
20.Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
- Yeah
21.Skipped doing homework to play a video game?
- Hmm nope
22.Tried to commit suicide?
- Yes..
23.The last time you felt broken?
- I can't remember. Last week?
24.Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt?
- Pretty much
25.Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
- No
26.Do you have Long hair OR short hair?
- Long hair ftw
27.First thing you notice about a guy/girl?
- Face
28.Do you sing in the shower?
- Yes I doooo
29.Do you dance in the car?
- Noooo
30.Where were you yesterday?
- I was out shopping
31.Ever used a bow and arrow?
- I've held one but I never actually used one
32.Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
- Last Christmas
33.Do you think musicals are cheesy?
- Noooo. I love them <3
34.Is Christmas stressful?
- YES
35.Favorite type of fruit pie?
- Are mango bars considered pie?
36.Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
- Hmmm well I wanted to be an artist first, then I wanted to be an architect. I also wanted to be a cartoonist. When I was 9, I decided that I wanted to be a programmer. Well, here I am.
37.Do you believe in ghosts?
- Hmm not sure
38.Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
- Yeah
39.Take a vitamin daily?
- I try
40.Wear slippers?
- Yes
41.Wear a bath robe?
- No
42.What do you wear to bed?
- Comfortable clothes
43.Do you want to get married?
- Errrr no not really but.. it's complicated ok
44.Can you curl your tongue?
- Yes

Labels: survey, thoughts

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? - TV DEFINITELY TV - Yes
- It's a blank page. Hm.

Labels: survey, thoughts

I found this while scrolling through my Tumblr dashboard:

Do me a favor okay?
Stop trying to go back to who you were before. Before you were raped, before you got sick before an eating disorder took over your life. stop trying to be who you were five, ten, twenty years ago. Before the mental illness took over, before he died, back before your parents split or you lost your best friend.
You are NOT the same person as before. You never will be again. Give up the idolization of “before” and be who you are now. Be the you AFTER.

(source) 

Labels: personal, thoughts

I watched this movie yesterday with Jacob. I knew I was gonna cry because I cried over the book but I didn't expect to be on the verge of crying just 15 minutes after the movie started. I was probably still crying 15 minutes after the movie ended, too. I like how the movie stayed true to the book. Well, maybe not really about the part where Augustus Waters died. Augustus has died twice already in my lifetime -- first, in the book and second, in the movie. I'd love to watch the movie again sometime but I'm not really sure I wanna see Augustus die again. And again. I also like how the movie had all the #hugot quotes, which I have memorized by heart. I like how the portrayal was so natural. I didn't have any moments where I felt like there was something wrong or that they didn't quite fit the role. Number of movies which I felt gave justice to the book: Two -- "The Fault In Our Stars" and "The Perks of Being A Wallflower". The cast did an amazing job. I still hate how Augustus had to die. And the book is still better.

Labels: diary, personal, tfios, thoughts

Labels: personal, thoughts

1. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
- Never trying.

2. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
- How everything has to have a label.

3. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she/he is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
- I'd ask them if they knew my friend personally. Because if they don't, then they shouldn't judge. And even if they do know him/her personally, it isn't right to talk about people behind their backs.

4. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
-  Attend all my favorite bands' concerts. Money, or lack of it, rather.

5. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

Labels: personal, survey, thoughts

Today, at around 3:50am, I decided that I wanted to make a song. Well, it's supposed to be a song. It doesn't have a melody yet. But it goes like this:

*
How long does it take to be alright?
(Cause you know I'm all alone tonight)
How long does it take for the sun to shine?
(If only I could call you mine)
How long does it take till I call you mine again?
(So please don't let this be the end)

Crumpled up letters fill my room
All over the floor
I wrote in gloom

Bloodshot eyes stare back at me
Oh darling if you could only see
How much you mean to me

And I know you said you aren't coming back
But I can't see this spark is burning out
No at least not yet
So maybe you can tell me

*

And I write these words with my shaky hands
Not sure if this is a poem
Cause I can't think of a melody yet
My life has been so empty since you left

Yeah I know that you probably won't care
But at this point I'm no longer scared
I'm used to this pain so it's okay
I've felt this way since the very first day

*

Again
Yeah I know I can't pretend
You're no longer mine
And I just wish that you'd be mine
Mine again

*

You know I'd still be true
(You know it's true)
And you know it's always been you
(You know it's you)
And you know I love you, too

Labels: lyrics, personal, poems, songs, thoughts

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

- Probably 16.

2. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

- There are a lot of reasons. Sometimes the things we don’t like to do are the things we need to do. Sometimes we’re expected to do things and that expectation drives us away from what we really want to do. There are a lot of factors why we don’t do the things we need to do. Some are costly, some are beyond our reach. Then of course there are some things we just can’t do anything about.

3. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

- To change the world, you have to start with yourself. That’s what I’m focusing on right now.

4. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

- It’s not like I wanna live up to 40.

5. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

- I am more worried about doing the right things. I fear that I’m wasting my time on so many things that aren’t even worthy of my time. I feel like I’m wasting energy. I feel like I’ve let so many things go to waste simply because I’m not doing the right things.

6. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Would you break the law to save a loved one?

- Don’t grow up. Yes, I would.

7. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

- The way I deal with life, I guess.

8. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

- I’d take him back if I could. He’s not ready. I don’t even know if he still wants to be with me. I’m not ready, either. I’ve gone through so much emotional trauma that I need to heal for awhile.

9. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

- Yes.

10. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

- I’d move to California. I don’t know. It’s sunny there.

11. Why are you, you?
- I just am. I don’t know either.

12. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

- The latter.

13. What are you most grateful for?

- The people who never give up on me and continue to care for me despite everything.

14. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

- The former.

15. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

- No.

16. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

- Yes, I do remember. A bit, I think.

17. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

- I don’t remember.. :/

18. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

- Yes.

19. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

- I don’t have a job yet but I probably wouldn’t.

20. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

- When you’re breathing, you’re alive. You’re only truly living when you allow things to take your breath away.

21. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

- Nothing. I don’t care about what others say about me.

22. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

- Half-half. I get to decide on a lot of things but some are them are just beyond my control. It sucks, really.

Source

Labels: personal, survey, thoughts

I realized that I haven't been reading much. Well, that's mostly due to the number of schoolwork I have to do. Let's just say I'm the type of person who'd rather finish a book in one seating. Isang bagsakan, kumbaga. But lately, I realized that I need distractions and books are the perfect tools for the job. I realized that I'm fascinated with stories all the time that I tend to forget mine. I look for stories all the time. They don't even have to be good. They just have to distract me temporarily from mine.

Labels: diary, personal, thoughts

"The best things in life are free."

Well, they're not. In fact, nothing is. To get what you want, you have to make sacrifices. In your own pursuit of happiness, there will be promises you'll have to break,  friends you'll have to lose, and risks you'll have to take. It seems so ideal that you can get the best things out of life without having to have a job, or without having to actually pay money. But life is a give and take, and sometimes the things you have to give in order to take what you want are worth more than any amount of money you could ever acquire. The best things in life aren't free, they just have a much higher price.

Labels: diary, personal, thoughts

It's been awhile since I last posted anything substantial. I've kind of decided that perhaps I should make it a hobby to blog everyday, although I'm not quite sure if I'll have enough topics to talk about and time to spare. I miss blogging, though. There are a few insights I want to write about my life. I'm going through metanoia again.

Labels: thoughts

Too much.

Labels: personal, thoughts

Well, fuck what fate dictates.

Labels: thoughts

RULES:

1. Put your iTunes, Winamp, Foobar etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
This Ain't Goodbye

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Carry On

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Pop Princess

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
One More For Love

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Bold as Love

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Stereo

Labels: lists, thoughts

It's raining. I hope it stops because I still have to go to school later on and I hate travelling when it's raining. I can't believe it's just July and yet I feel so much pressure already. I still have two programs to do (one of them to be submitted tomorrow) and a bunch of other stuff for non-major subjects. Sometimes, I can't help but feel that I'm just too stupid for all this. People would probably get annoyed if I say this because there are other people from other schools who are really stupid blah blah. Yeah, but I'm not from another school. There are times when my brain just won't absorb or process anything, maybe even most of the time and it's so annoying. I don't know if it's because I'm not eating and sleeping right or if it's just how my brain works. I don't know. I feel tired all the time. I feel--
Oh, wait. I just realized why I'm like this. I need to visit someone soon.
The rain's pouring a little harder. I hope it stops before 8 or 9am. I really don't wanna leave if it's raining. Ugh, it sucks to be me.

Labels: college life, diary, personal, thoughts

Labels: diary, personal, thoughts

Labels: personal, thoughts

Labels: diary, personal, songs, thoughts, videos

And if that voice gets too loud, do I even get to say goodbye? How do you say goodbye to someone you don't even talk to?

Labels: personal, thoughts

But what if no one cares if that voice gets too loud? What if I really am just too hopeless? I feel really sad right now. :(

Labels: diary, personal, thoughts